[He does. He's always known that Bakugo was perfectly capable. It just hasn't stopped the worry of something happening to him. To any of their friends in all of this. Izuku can't help but fret. Feeling the weight of it all. The pressure. He knows what he has to do. He's just not sure if he can accept the reality of the likelihood of someone getting seriously hurt or worse. If anything happened to the class because of this. If he isn't strong enough or isn't fast enough. Overlook something in their planning....]
I just...I can't accept something happening to you or the others because of me.
Then, what did you accept the apology for? What did you come back for? What about what Pink Cheeks said? [ Especially what she said, what she said was so invaluable, and her words reached the hearts of many people. Moving them to let Izuku find a safe place to stay. ] Do you still not...? [ Katsuki bites the inside of his cheeks, trying to simmer his anger. ] Are you still looking down on us?
I'm not -- no. Nothing like that. I've just spent so long on edge.
[So long alone. So long aware that, should he go back here that it would make the school a target. That would put everyone at risk because of him. Leaving and staying away was the best thing he could think of. The only way around it. It's hard to shake that. To keep reminding himself that this was okay. Even if part of him was still anxious. That they had accepted the risk of letting him stay regardless. They probably would have all along if Izuku hadn't just run off like that.]
[ Katsuki's nose scrunches up, and he feels his chest go hollow as if it had been dug out. The pain inside of it is cool, cold even - he's trying hard to figure out how to fix this. This isn't how it's supposed to be, reaching for her head, the blonde seems exasperated. ]
How could you say that? Nothing is going to happen to me - [ Why doesn't Izuku get that? ] Why can't you trust that? [ Believe in me, angrily he comes closer. Stepping off the ledge he had been on and rushing to pace forward. Moving with the intent to rush at Izuku and give him a punch to the face - ]
[Izuku does trust Bakugo to handle himself. He knows the other is competent. That's never been in question. But he also knows what they are up against. That it won't be easy. They have to train, to plan. And even then, the best plans can mess up. Izuku isn't ignorant of what this all means. There is always the chance that people would get hurt. Or worse.
He doesn't quite get to answering, as he stumbles, losing his footing as he moves to try and dodge Bakugo rushing at him. His eyes close as he initially winces as he falls backwards.]
I do trust you! I know you can handle yourself. I just....I can't help remembering when you pushed me out of the way then.
[ Izuku falls onto his back, and Katsuki looks down at him. Unamused, he steps forward rather than follow up with another attack. Holding back his fist and pardoning his anger over what Izuku is struggling with on the inside. He can't even consider his own feelings in the moment, other than that - he needs Izuku to trust him. To trust them.
Once he is close enough, the blonde stares him down some more. Idly watch the others' darkened expressions. As he contends with trying to face the future ahead of them, he is doubtful because he cares too much. Katsuki doesn't want this side of Izuku to die out; he wants the kindness that he exudes to live on strong and to trust him, especially.
[Izuku isn't sure what he expects. If Bakugo might still attack or something, especially given that he was on the ground like this. An easier target. But instead, Bakugo extends a hand, telling him off about getting stuck in his head and to trust him. Izuku's gloved hand reaches for the other, shifting to raise himself to his feet. He's not sure how well he is doing at explaining things. But he's trying. Even Izuku is still figuring this out. How does he feel about everything going on? That instinctive guilt. The worry.
About Bakugo, especially. They'd become closer over time as Bakugo had mellowed out more. Izuku feels that they can talk normally and can have a proper friendship now. He knows others might question things. Especially given the way that Bakugo used to treat him. But this is just how it was between them. Izuku accepts that. Doesn't expect Bakugo to really change that drastically. But somehow it has always seemed like Bakugo was an exception for him. He nods, thanking the blonde as he gets to his feet.]
[ It feels as if what is between them continues to come full circle, over and over again. This moment, and every moment when they've extended one another's hands, matters so much. ]
Izuku. [ He pulls him up, stares him in the eyes, holding his hand even still. He wants to tell him, he sees Izuku, gets it. That guilt and anxiety of what is to come and not being enough - he's screamed his heart out about it before to Izuku. That Katsuki gets it - but Izuku needs to understand, to look him straight in the eyes and know that whatever Izuku chooses to be, to do - it's going to be the right answer, and Katsuki will back him up until the end. ]
You always trip over yourself, [ Overthink things. ] cut it out. [ Only think of the now, be there with him - them. ]
[Izuku is so much more used to the other calling him Deku. Teasing him. The use of his actual name has him paying more attention, listening more carefully as he gets to his feet. He isn't really paying attention that Bakugo doesn't immediately release his hand once he is back standing up again. He glances at the blonde through his mess of darker curls.
He can feel the heat at his cheeks a little, at the other saying how he trips over himself. Izuku knows it is true. He can be clumsy, can overthink things. It is a habit of his. Part of the way he considers everything is so strategic and tactical. How he relies more on his brain and intelligence since he grew up without a Quirk.]
[ Does he? Katsuki's eyes flicker from their fiercely red colors to a dimmer sort of hue. As if he's unfocused in the moment, still holding Izuku's hand within his own. ]
What ...? [ He frowns a bit, his heart beginning to race and skipping a beat. Katsuki feels uncomfortable, as if his mouth and throat are dry. Trying to swallow, he attempts to say something else again - ]
Why aren't you smiling anymore? What happened to you, when we weren't there?
[Izuku tries to say, tries to reassure Bakugo. He hadn't meant to worry them. He'd kept in touch with All Might. So that their mentor and teacher knew what was going on, how his attempts were progressing at getting information about Shigaraki. He knows his attempt at a smile right then might be a little sheepish, and that it falls quickly when Bakugo asks him about that period.]
I was just trying to find the prisoners. To see if they had information about where Shigaraki was. And helping where I could. I was fine.
[Nothing really major had happened. If it had, Bakugo would certainly have heard about it. But then again, it isn't like Izuku had really been focused on his appearance. That he had noted just how tattered his suit was. How exhausted he was.]
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[He does. He's always known that Bakugo was perfectly capable. It just hasn't stopped the worry of something happening to him. To any of their friends in all of this. Izuku can't help but fret. Feeling the weight of it all. The pressure. He knows what he has to do. He's just not sure if he can accept the reality of the likelihood of someone getting seriously hurt or worse. If anything happened to the class because of this. If he isn't strong enough or isn't fast enough. Overlook something in their planning....]
I just...I can't accept something happening to you or the others because of me.
no subject
no subject
[So long alone. So long aware that, should he go back here that it would make the school a target. That would put everyone at risk because of him. Leaving and staying away was the best thing he could think of. The only way around it. It's hard to shake that. To keep reminding himself that this was okay. Even if part of him was still anxious. That they had accepted the risk of letting him stay regardless. They probably would have all along if Izuku hadn't just run off like that.]
If anything happened to you....
no subject
How could you say that? Nothing is going to happen to me - [ Why doesn't Izuku get that? ] Why can't you trust that? [ Believe in me, angrily he comes closer. Stepping off the ledge he had been on and rushing to pace forward. Moving with the intent to rush at Izuku and give him a punch to the face - ]
I SAID, WHY DON'T YOU TRUST THAT!?
[ Trust ME?! ]
no subject
[Izuku does trust Bakugo to handle himself. He knows the other is competent. That's never been in question. But he also knows what they are up against. That it won't be easy. They have to train, to plan. And even then, the best plans can mess up. Izuku isn't ignorant of what this all means. There is always the chance that people would get hurt. Or worse.
He doesn't quite get to answering, as he stumbles, losing his footing as he moves to try and dodge Bakugo rushing at him. His eyes close as he initially winces as he falls backwards.]
I do trust you! I know you can handle yourself. I just....I can't help remembering when you pushed me out of the way then.
no subject
Once he is close enough, the blonde stares him down some more. Idly watch the others' darkened expressions. As he contends with trying to face the future ahead of them, he is doubtful because he cares too much. Katsuki doesn't want this side of Izuku to die out; he wants the kindness that he exudes to live on strong and to trust him, especially.
Offering his hand to Izuku, Katsuki says - ]
Stop remembering pointless shit, and trust me.
no subject
About Bakugo, especially. They'd become closer over time as Bakugo had mellowed out more. Izuku feels that they can talk normally and can have a proper friendship now. He knows others might question things. Especially given the way that Bakugo used to treat him. But this is just how it was between them. Izuku accepts that. Doesn't expect Bakugo to really change that drastically. But somehow it has always seemed like Bakugo was an exception for him. He nods, thanking the blonde as he gets to his feet.]
no subject
Izuku. [ He pulls him up, stares him in the eyes, holding his hand even still. He wants to tell him, he sees Izuku, gets it. That guilt and anxiety of what is to come and not being enough - he's screamed his heart out about it before to Izuku. That Katsuki gets it - but Izuku needs to understand, to look him straight in the eyes and know that whatever Izuku chooses to be, to do - it's going to be the right answer, and Katsuki will back him up until the end. ]
You always trip over yourself, [ Overthink things. ] cut it out. [ Only think of the now, be there with him - them. ]
no subject
He can feel the heat at his cheeks a little, at the other saying how he trips over himself. Izuku knows it is true. He can be clumsy, can overthink things. It is a habit of his. Part of the way he considers everything is so strategic and tactical. How he relies more on his brain and intelligence since he grew up without a Quirk.]
R-right. I know.
no subject
What ...? [ He frowns a bit, his heart beginning to race and skipping a beat. Katsuki feels uncomfortable, as if his mouth and throat are dry. Trying to swallow, he attempts to say something else again - ]
Why aren't you smiling anymore? What happened to you, when we weren't there?
no subject
[Izuku tries to say, tries to reassure Bakugo. He hadn't meant to worry them. He'd kept in touch with All Might. So that their mentor and teacher knew what was going on, how his attempts were progressing at getting information about Shigaraki. He knows his attempt at a smile right then might be a little sheepish, and that it falls quickly when Bakugo asks him about that period.]
I was just trying to find the prisoners. To see if they had information about where Shigaraki was. And helping where I could. I was fine.
[Nothing really major had happened. If it had, Bakugo would certainly have heard about it. But then again, it isn't like Izuku had really been focused on his appearance. That he had noted just how tattered his suit was. How exhausted he was.]